Sex Education by Andy Wilkinson

            Bubba sat at the diner table across from Mohammed reading the morning paper while having his usual breakfast of grits, three eggs over easy, sausage, bacon, and pork chops. Mohammed had biscuits, coffee, and orange juice.

            “Mohammed, check out this story. There’s this twenty-four-year-old female teacher goin’ to jail for havin’ sex with a fifteen-year-old boy student. What do you think about that?”

            Mohammed sipped his coffee and paused a few seconds for dramatic effect before responding.

            “Well, balance is paramount in a young person’s education. The teacher—maybe in a misguided way—might have simply been trying to ensure the young man’s training was well rounded and complete. After all, there is more to preparing for life than mere scholastic fundamentals. Perhaps she was endeavoring to help him optimize his potential in preparation for an enriched adulthood.”

            Bubba lowered his newspaper and glared across the table at his friend. “Mohammed, what the hell did you just say?”

            Mohammed grinned at him. “I said she was just trying to kick-start his manhood.”

            “Crazy foreigner. Why cain’t you talk regular like everbody else?”

            “Seriously,” Mohammed said, “I think your government has some dumb laws on how to regulate relationships. In my country children are given away in arranged marriages by the time they are thirteen or fourteen. No big deal.”

            “I think my daddy feels the same way … about the law part, that is. Him and my mom were talkin’ ’bout this last night at supper. Mom said the teacher was just a tramp takin’ advantage of a innocent kid. And Daddy agreed with her. But when she left the room he looked around, then looked at me and said, ‘Son, here’s your lesson for today: One; that teacher was just a lonely little fat girl. Two; that fifteen-year-old boy got lucky. And three; I’ve learned not to disagree with your mom on stuff like this cause the worst thing you can do in life is piss off the cook.’”

            "Your father sounds like a very wise man,” Mohammed said.

            “Oh yeah, and smart too. He’s even a Third Degree Mason, you know. Not just anybody can do that.”

            “Impressive.”

            “No kiddin’.”

            “So, Bubba, what do you think about this teacher going to jail for having sex with the teenage student?”

            “Well, … look, I ain’t sure ‘bout all that legal stuff. That’s purty much over my head. But what I really want to know is where the hell were teachers like that when I was in the tenth grade?”

            “Well said, my articulate friend.”