Love Invasion by Sylvia Melvin

            There are two months of the year residents of Florida dread with as much passion as the rivalry between the Gators and the Seminoles: June and September. No, it has nothing to do with the hurricane season, the soaring intolerable humidity and blazing temperatures, or even the torrential daily afternoon thunderstorms.

            I’m referring to the ‘plague of the lovebugs’. In the world of entomologists, the scientific name for this flying, black and orange pesky insect is Plecia nearctica. They are everywhere! It takes a brave individual to stand outside for more than ten seconds talking to another person for fear of orally harboring a swarm of fluttering wings, legs and modulating bodies.

            Surely the fact that they insist on copulating in mid-air, clinging to one another for up to fifty-six hours in a sexual position envious to the eyes of the most promiscuous human is proof that our Creator does indeed have a sense of humor. Since the eyes of a male are four times larger than the female’s, he is prepared to spot his mate in a swarm. However, he’d better be good because up to eight suitors are competing for the opportunity to repopulate the species. Even when united, a larger male has been known to separate the most ardent couples.

            When not flying, though still attached, lovebugs will feed on nectar and pollen. The male then transfers his sperm, protein and sugar to his mate in order to nourish her and the potential 150-600eggs. “Afterwards,” according to Dr. Timothy Mousseau of the University of South Carolina, “the male is an empty shell.”

            If you own a vehicle, they are especially drawn to white, just plan a new paint job into your yearly budget because they’ll stick to the front of the auto better than any brand of super-glue, depositing an acidic residue that eats through the surface leaving a cruel reminder of their presence. Why you ask are they attracted to a piece of moving metal? According to the experts, it’s the female’s fault. She’s looking for a place to lay her ‘Mother Lode’ and the exhaust fumes of an automobile mimic the chemical that comes from the decaying matter of leaves, weeds, and grass.

            I’ve heard that to protect the paint on your car or truck during this season of pestilence, one need only to coat the grill and hood with baby oil and then they won’t be able to stick to the surface. Should this theory work, it might not be a bad idea to buy stock in Johnson and Johnson.

            Their only natural enemy appears to be hungry birds and since they really do no actual harm to humans, unlike the mosquitoes, there is no state-wide plan to spray and eradicate them. I just wish the fateful winds that brought these immigrant insects from the shores of South America in 1920 would return them to their rightful owners. For now, like it or not, “love is in the air.”